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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

DVD Review: Faces of Schlock - Boobs and Blood Edition

Faces of Schlock: Boobs and Blood Edition

USA 2009
Directors: Justin Channell (segment "Mike Wuz Here"), Henrique Couto (segment "Slay Ride"), Chris LaMartina (segment "One Foot in the Grave"), Andrew N. Shearer (segment "Blood Witch")
Writers: Justin Channell, Henrique Couto, Zane Crosby, Jimmy George, Chris LaMartina, Josh Lively, Andrew N. Shearer
Starring: Izzie Harlow, Ruby Larocca, George Stover, Countess Samela, Josh Lively, Kert Rats, Grim Parsons, Monica Puller.
DVD Released: September 21st 2010
Cert: NR
Running Time: 105 minutes
Aspect Ratio: 1.78: 1 Anamorphic Widescreen
Audio: Dolby Digital Stereo English
Subtitles: N/A
Distributor: Independent Entertainment
Region: 0 NTSC

The Film:

After Faces Of Schlock and Faces Of Schlock 2 comes Faces Of Schlock: Boobs & Blood Edition, promising to highlight....erm...boobs and blood, fine by me! A no budget Tales From The Crypt/Creepshow style spoof horror anthology written, directed by and starring a bunch of horror film geeks with waaay too much time on their hands. The tales are introduced by low-rent Elvira-alike Slutpira (Izzie Harlow) with the running gag that she's a serious actress making ends meet by doing these low budget gigs.

First up then is Blood Witch - an annoying goth lesbian that enjoys violently pummeling her own face to screaming orgasm summons the spirit of a dead (also lesbian) witch to murder anyone that even slightly pisses her off, like telemarketers and her roommate. It's a bizarre little tale with quite a bit of dark humour amidst all the menstruating women masturbating and dodgy close-ups of badly made-up faces. And if I might be permitted one politically incorrect statement per review let it be; the director of this one definitely has a thing for skanky fat chicks. The panty sniffing bugman was quite funny though so I'll lay off the big butt jokes. All in all it sets the tone pretty well for the rest of the stories we're about to see.

Next up is Mike Wuz Here - the employees of a local movie theatre want rid of an annoying ghost that haunts the building after committing suicide in it's basement. Unfortunately said spook is actually a paid employee of the theatre and won't stand for any anti-dead discrimination. It's a talky equal rights allegory for the most part (the bigots are referred to as boogits, hardy-har-har) until the ghost decides enough is enough, possesses one of the living employees and goes on a murder spree. Weakest story of the bunch I thought.

Followed by One Foot In The Grave - A dancer with a mysterious foot injury finally has her cast removed to reveal a nasty looking limb that makes even her foot fetishist boyfriend throw up all over his rug. She is told by her podiatrist that she will have to have the festering limb amputated or the infection will spread and she'll die. Lucky for her the doctor just happens to have a hacksaw handy and a witch pal that's in the market for a virgin's foot. The foot itself has other plans however, namely taking vengeance on those that parted it from it's owner. Which leads to a truly whacked out couple of revenge killings including one guy getting the foot booted right up his arse, through his intestinal tract and eventually out his mouth, nice! Probably the best little tale of the lot for that scene alone plus the bit at the start when the witch kills a dweeb for his foot only to find he's in a wheelchair and doesn't have any legs.

And finally Slay Ride - another goth brat, this time played by colourfully tattooed and pierced Ruby Larocca, gets grounded at Christmas while her parents head off on vacation leaving her at the mercy of her school science partner and a local redneck 'slow kid' that enjoys chopping effigies of teenage "gurls" into little bits with an axe, but which of those two is really the most dangerous? Wildly tedious until Santa turns up and takes out the bad guys with the star from atop the Christmas tree.

All of the above 25-30 minute segments look like they were filmed in the actor's actual homes, this really is NO budget film making. That said the acting isn't nearly as terrible as you might expect it to be with some actually almost pretty good performances in Mike Wuz Here and One Foot In The Grave. Izzie Harlow isn't all that bad as Slutpira either despite her occasionally forced delivery. Top marks to the producers as well for actually giving us some Boobs and Blood with at least four completely gratuitous shower/bath scenes and bucket loads of ketchup. The writing isn't bad either with occasional instances of spot on satirical humour adrift in a sea of blood and dick jokes.

The Disc:

The 1.78:1 anamorphic image is somewhat soft but nevertheless features good detail and solid colors. The English stereo track is choppy, sounds like it was recorded with a camcorder mic really but it is consistently audible.

Extras (and there's a shitload!) include -

A commentary track featuring what seems like everybody involved in the production! Each segment has it's own separate commentary featuring variably the actors, writers, directors and producers. They sound like a friendly bunch of geeks and they have a good time yakking over their work here providing interesting anecdotes about the filming.

A wealth of behind the scenes and outtake material for each segment including the Slutpira wraparounds; collectively running around 50 minutes this is an interesting look at how the production was filmed and an oft times languorous lesson in no budget film making - bloody hell it was their own homes they were shooting in! Lots of interviews, brain farts and goofs.

Also included is a World Premiere featuretteSlutpira head off to West Virginia (I think) to show their movie on the big screen for the first time. Running at 30 minutes this was actually the most entertaining part of the entire disc for me as it's an almost bittersweet little documentary and I thought the drunk guy that hassled them outside the theatre was fucking hilarious.

And finally a 30 minute look at the gang trying to sell their movie at the Cinema Wasteland 2009 con, a few episodes of Henrique Couto's short animated web series 'Drawing A Blank' and some trailers and a music video.

Review by Giuseppe Rijitano

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

DVD News: Sexy Timetrip Ninjas


Sasuke the Ninja is tasked with finding a hidden treasure that will reestablish his clan. His only obstacle is the sexy ninja Kagero, who wants the riches for her rival clan. When they fall through a rift in time to 1980s Tokyo, they must put aside their differences and use their wits — and bodies — to survive! Academy Award® Winner Yojiro Takita (”Departures”) directs this hilarious and sexy ninja adventure!

• Japanese Language with English Subtitles
• Widescreen Presentation
• SEXY TIMETRIP NINJAS International Trailer
• SEXY TIMETRIP NINJAS Original Japanese Art Work
• Special Feature: Interview with Ninja Historian, Dr. Alex Bay
• Still Image Slideshow
• Cast and Crew Biographies and Filmographies
• Sneak Peeks: More PINK EIGA Trailers

DVD News: The Japanese Wife Next Door: Part 2

PINK EIGA, Inc. is thrilled to announce their newest release, “THE JAPANESE WIFE NEXT DOOR – PART 2,” veteran Pink Eiga director Yutaka Ikejima's (aka. 'Mr. Pink') sequel to the hit Pink Eiga, “THE JAPANESE WIFE NEXT DOOR.”


Every choice you make can change the course of your life. This is the premise of THE JAPANESE WIFE NEXT DOOR series. Beginning exactly the same as Part One, a businessman's life is almost complete; all he needs is a wife. He meets two women... and this time he marries the rich one -- whose family just happens to be a bunch of sado-masochistic sociopaths!

Directed by ‘Mr. Pink,’ Yutaka Ikejima, and starring the sexy Yazaki Akane and with a special appearance by erotic bombshell Reiko Yamaguchi, star of part one, the JAPANESE WIFE NEXT DOOR - PART 2 is a raunchy and bizarre erotic comedy! The film had its North American premier at the prestigious 2010 New York Asian Film Festival.


• Japanese Language with English Subtitles
• Featurette: Interview with Director Yutaka Ikejima
• Featurette: Interview with Star Reiko Yamaguchi
• Featurette: Interview with Composer Hitomi Oba
• 5.1 Surround Sound
• Widescreen Presentation
• THE JAPANESE WIFE NEXT DOOR: Part 2 International Movie Trailers
• Cast and Crew Biographies and Filmographies
• Still Image Slideshow
• Original Japanese Artwork
• Sneak Peek: More PINK EIGA Trailers

STREET DATE: September 30th, 2010 (Pre-Release: September 14th, 2010)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

DVD Review: Lights, Camera, Dead!

Lights Camera Dead

USA 2007
Director: Tim Reaper
Writers: Monica Reaper, Tim Reaper
Starring: Wes Reid, Amy Lollo, J.C. Lira, Monica Moehring, Richard Christy, Coldon Martin, Ashby Brooks, Stephanie Caston.
DVD Released: August 20th 2010
Cert: NR
Running Time: 77 minutes
Aspect Ratio: Letterboxed NTSC
Audio: Dolby Digital Stereo English
Subtitles: N/A
Distributor: SRS Cinema
Region: 0 NTSC

The Film:

Ryan Black (Wes Reid) is an aspiring filmmaker attempting to direct his first feature; a gory horror about a couple of wannabe witches that meddle with the dark forces and end up unleashing the undead. Unfortunately he doesn't have a clue what he's doing, his lead actress has been cast for her bra size rather than her acting ability and his half-assed amateur crew are a bunch of complete morons. It doesn't help when Ryan starts berating them all either and since none of them are actually being paid it's not long before they all just give up and leave. Ryan however, with the help of his script-writer Steve (J.C. Lira) decides to ressurrect the failed project with one minor rewrite to the script - actually kill the actors and just film it! Inviting the cast and crew to a special midnight screening of what little was shot before they all quit they all assemble at a remote farm out in the sticks for a premiere they'll never forget.

Synopsis doesn't sound all that bad does it? They never do. Trouble is this is another indie cheapfest made by a bunch of guys in their backyard. They've got heart I'll give them that. An imaginatively put together title sequence is about the most visually arresting thing you'll see throughout this as it's a very amateurish production from all standpoints including the technical. The acting is of course dire which is a shame because there are a few very funny almost Clerks-like moments of dialogue and it's a pity that there isn't much more of that sharp satirical humour about the behind the scenes making of a cheap movie because it's a damn sight more fun than the z-movie horror aspect that takes over the story. But then even good writing fails miserably when spouted by terrible actors so maybe not. Unfortunately this one's also light on gore which is surely unforgivable for what appears to be touted as a low budget splatterfest. OK well there is a pugfaced actress with massive tits at least and great emphasis is put on the fact that she's going to have to do topless nudity to appear in the film within a film but alas even that small, sad, pathetic pleasure is denied us as she remains fully clothed throughout; the pre-pubescent gamerz generation have a phrase that suitably expresses my displeasure - EPIC FAIL.

The Disc:

Dodgy, soft looking, grim, letterboxed transfer. Looks like it was filmed on VHS. English 2.0 track is audible throughout and that's the best thing I can say about it .

Extras (yes there's extras!) include -

A commentary track featuring the director Tim Reaper, actress Monica Moehring, composer Mean Gene, and executive producer Jonathan Straiton - It's a friendly informal light-hearted chat, seemingly filmed in the participants living room with much alcohol to hand. Most interesting fact gleaned from this track; apparently Moehring didn't show her tits because she's a schoolteacher!

A 2nd commentary track featuring actor Richard Christy - Bit of a cheat this one as it actually only runs for 3 minutes over Christy's short scene in the movie and pretty much consists of Christy narrating what we are actually seeing.....

The Music Box - A 16 minute short film featuring Monica (no you can't see my massive tits) Moehring yet again. This was a fairly gruelling quarter of an hour home movie in which she plays a girl browsing a flea market and ends up buying a music box that appears to be covered in human skin (ala the Necronomicon) hilarity ensues........

Review by Giuseppe Rijitano

Saturday, September 11, 2010

DVD and Blu-Ray News: Inferno

Remember guys, Monday 13th Dario Argento's Inferno from Arrow Video will be available in stores in the UK and available to order online NOW in both DVD and Blu-Ray. It's a frankly stupendous package so go buy it!

Not convinced? Well check out the specs:


- Reversible sleeve with original and newly commissioned art work
- Double-sided fold-out poster
- Collector’s Booklet featuring brand new writing on Inferno by Alan Jones, author of Profondo Argento

- Brand new restoration of the film, available fully uncut for the first time in the UK
- High Definition Presentation of the film (1080p)
- Optional 5.1 DTS / Stereo / Mono audio
- Choice of original Italian and English audio

- Introduction by star Daria Nicolodi (1080p)
- Dario’s Inferno (1080p)
- Acting in Hot Water: An Interview with Daria Nicolodi (1080p)
- The Other Mother: Making the Black Cat - Director Luigi Cozzi goes behind the scenes of The Black Cat, his rarely seen, totally unofficial, 1989 sequel to Inferno (1080p)
- Inferno Q&A with Irene Miracle, Keith Emerson and Tim Lucas [Blu-ray exclusive] (1080p)
- X marks the spot (1080p)

- Dario Argento and Lamberto Bava on Inferno
- 'Dario Argento: An Eye for Horror' Mark Kermode narrates this documentary on Argento’s career including interviews with George A. Romero and John Carpenter
- The Complete Dario Argento Trailer Gallery [18 films]

Sunday, September 05, 2010

DVD Review: Condemned


USA 2010
Director: Oren Shai
Writers: Oren Shai
Starring: Margaret Anne Florence, Ashlie Atkinson, Aprella.
DVD Released: 2010
Cert: NR
Running Time: 14 minutes
Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1 Anamorphic Widescreen
Audio: Dolby Digital Stereo English
Subtitles: N/A
Region: 0 NTSC

The Film:

Female convict #1031 in a 50's prison sweats in her cell as she awaits inevitable
and fatal retribution for snitching. Having been awake for three days for fear she
will be killed in her slumber, she cuts herself to stay alert and wearily tries not
to succumb to sleep. Unfortunately a new inmate is brought to share her cell, Laura,
a charming blonde who will either be #1031's salvation or her executioner..........

A beautifully shot little homage to 70's women in prison exploitation flicks
although those b-movie classics of yesteryear were never this well put together. A
sweaty, claustrophobic, noir-like feel is evoked throughout with an excellent
performance from Margaret Anne Florence as the weary inmate. The dialogue has a
tongue in cheek melodrama to it, especially when barked by the ruby lipped bulldog
of a prison guard played with obvious relish by Ashlie Atkinson and via the
voiceover set to the groovy spaghetti western throwback soundtrack. I don't get the
opportunity to watch many short films nor do I seek them out but if the aim of such
a short feature is to leave the audience wanting more then this one was highly
successful as I would love to see a full length feature based on this effort. Taken
on it's own however it is an all too short, paranoia filled meditation on the
inevitability of death that is very much worth 14 minutes of your time.

The Disc:

Shot on Super 16 this is an excellent anamorphic transfer, vivid colours,
solid blacks, excellent transfer. The audio is clean and clear with the haunting
score balanced nicely with the dialogue and ambient soundtrack.

Review by Giuseppe Rijitano