Faces of Schlock: Boobs and Blood Edition
USA 2009
Directors: Justin Channell (segment "Mike Wuz Here"), Henrique Couto (segment "Slay Ride"), Chris LaMartina (segment "One Foot in the Grave"), Andrew N. Shearer (segment "Blood Witch")
Writers: Justin Channell, Henrique Couto, Zane Crosby, Jimmy George, Chris LaMartina, Josh Lively, Andrew N. Shearer
Starring: Izzie Harlow, Ruby Larocca, George Stover, Countess Samela, Josh Lively, Kert Rats, Grim Parsons, Monica Puller.
DVD Released: September 21st 2010
Cert: NR
Running Time: 105 minutes
Aspect Ratio: 1.78: 1 Anamorphic Widescreen
Audio: Dolby Digital Stereo English
Subtitles: N/A
Distributor: Independent Entertainment
Region: 0 NTSC
The Film:
After Faces Of Schlock and Faces Of Schlock 2 comes Faces Of Schlock: Boobs & Blood Edition, promising to highlight....erm...boobs and blood, fine by me! A no budget Tales From The Crypt/Creepshow style spoof horror anthology written, directed by and starring a bunch of horror film geeks with waaay too much time on their hands. The tales are introduced by low-rent Elvira-alike Slutpira (Izzie Harlow) with the running gag that she's a serious actress making ends meet by doing these low budget gigs.
First up then is Blood Witch - an annoying goth lesbian that enjoys violently pummeling her own face to screaming orgasm summons the spirit of a dead (also lesbian) witch to murder anyone that even slightly pisses her off, like telemarketers and her roommate. It's a bizarre little tale with quite a bit of dark humour amidst all the menstruating women masturbating and dodgy close-ups of badly made-up faces. And if I might be permitted one politically incorrect statement per review let it be; the director of this one definitely has a thing for skanky fat chicks. The panty sniffing bugman was quite funny though so I'll lay off the big butt jokes. All in all it sets the tone pretty well for the rest of the stories we're about to see.
Next up is Mike Wuz Here - the employees of a local movie theatre want rid of an annoying ghost that haunts the building after committing suicide in it's basement. Unfortunately said spook is actually a paid employee of the theatre and won't stand for any anti-dead discrimination. It's a talky equal rights allegory for the most part (the bigots are referred to as boogits, hardy-har-har) until the ghost decides enough is enough, possesses one of the living employees and goes on a murder spree. Weakest story of the bunch I thought.
Followed by One Foot In The Grave - A dancer with a mysterious foot injury finally has her cast removed to reveal a nasty looking limb that makes even her foot fetishist boyfriend throw up all over his rug. She is told by her podiatrist that she will have to have the festering limb amputated or the infection will spread and she'll die. Lucky for her the doctor just happens to have a hacksaw handy and a witch pal that's in the market for a virgin's foot. The foot itself has other plans however, namely taking vengeance on those that parted it from it's owner. Which leads to a truly whacked out couple of revenge killings including one guy getting the foot booted right up his arse, through his intestinal tract and eventually out his mouth, nice! Probably the best little tale of the lot for that scene alone plus the bit at the start when the witch kills a dweeb for his foot only to find he's in a wheelchair and doesn't have any legs.
And finally Slay Ride - another goth brat, this time played by colourfully tattooed and pierced Ruby Larocca, gets grounded at Christmas while her parents head off on vacation leaving her at the mercy of her school science partner and a local redneck 'slow kid' that enjoys chopping effigies of teenage "gurls" into little bits with an axe, but which of those two is really the most dangerous? Wildly tedious until Santa turns up and takes out the bad guys with the star from atop the Christmas tree.
All of the above 25-30 minute segments look like they were filmed in the actor's actual homes, this really is NO budget film making. That said the acting isn't nearly as terrible as you might expect it to be with some actually almost pretty good performances in Mike Wuz Here and One Foot In The Grave. Izzie Harlow isn't all that bad as Slutpira either despite her occasionally forced delivery. Top marks to the producers as well for actually giving us some Boobs and Blood with at least four completely gratuitous shower/bath scenes and bucket loads of ketchup. The writing isn't bad either with occasional instances of spot on satirical humour adrift in a sea of blood and dick jokes.
The Disc:
The 1.78:1 anamorphic image is somewhat soft but nevertheless features good detail and solid colors. The English stereo track is choppy, sounds like it was recorded with a camcorder mic really but it is consistently audible.
Extras (and there's a shitload!) include -
A commentary track featuring what seems like everybody involved in the production! Each segment has it's own separate commentary featuring variably the actors, writers, directors and producers. They sound like a friendly bunch of geeks and they have a good time yakking over their work here providing interesting anecdotes about the filming.
A wealth of behind the scenes and outtake material for each segment including the Slutpira wraparounds; collectively running around 50 minutes this is an interesting look at how the production was filmed and an oft times languorous lesson in no budget film making - bloody hell it was their own homes they were shooting in! Lots of interviews, brain farts and goofs.
Also included is a World Premiere featuretteSlutpira head off to West Virginia (I think) to show their movie on the big screen for the first time. Running at 30 minutes this was actually the most entertaining part of the entire disc for me as it's an almost bittersweet little documentary and I thought the drunk guy that hassled them outside the theatre was fucking hilarious.
And finally a 30 minute look at the gang trying to sell their movie at the Cinema Wasteland 2009 con, a few episodes of Henrique Couto's short animated web series 'Drawing A Blank' and some trailers and a music video.
Review by Giuseppe Rijitano
